Fatigue...drowsiness...exhaustion. It seems like I feel these on a daily basis. And it doesn't seem to improve. It's really hard when I have no energy to do anything. It makes is so much harder to focus and concentrate. I have a harder time wanting to do anything but sleep. It's really difficult to enjoy life when all of it just seems to be tiring. It doesn't matter if I sleep for 4, 6, 8, or 10 hours...I still wake up completely drained and do not want to pull myself out of bed. In fact, it is often a battle to get myself out of bed still. Not because I don't want to face the day (though I still do have those days on occassion), but merely because I just want to keep sleeping. I want to get to a point where I feel rested. Where I actually have energy.
This is an AWESOME song! That's rights, all-caps. I could seriously listen to this song over and over and over and not get sick of it. The lyrics are really positive and uplifting, and it has a nice modern sound. I am betting most of you haven't heard of this band. They are called Building 429 performing this week's song "Listen to the Sound."
Song: Listen to the Sound
Artist: Building 429
Album: Listen to the Sound
Are you in over your head?
Are you in water so deep you're drowning?
Do you think you've been left,
And there is no one to feel your hurting?
Well everybody has been there
And everybody's felt lost
If you're in over your head
Lift it up
Lift it up
[CHORUS]
Oh, listen to the sound of hope
That's rising up
Over your old horizon
Listen to the sound
Listen to the sound
And listen to the sound of a new beginning of
This is where the old is ending
Listen to the sound
Listen to the sound
I hear you say you're alone
I hear you sayin' that you'll never make it
I've got to tell you you're wrong
'Cause I've been down this path you're taking
You'll never know what faith is
Till you don't understand
Sometimes it takes the silence
To finally hear His plan
[CHORUS]
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
I once was lost,
But now I'm found
[x2]
[CHORUS]
His grace is reaching for us
His grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound
Listen to the sound
Wherever you are
[x2]
I have been doing pretty well with nightmares lately, until last night. It was a pretty intense nightmare...and I have no idea what triggered it. It had to do with one of my abusers...and he was attacking me, coming after me with a knife. I remember the fear I felt, it was so real. That dream had me on the brink of tears.
I didn't know it was possible for me to feel this way again...
I was driving home from work (my new job, I might add). It was night time...I don't usually like driving at night because my nightvision can be somewhat questionable, but it was a good drive tonight...and not just because I could see fine.
I had a really interesting feeling come upon me while I was driving home. It was accompanied by the thought: "I'm going to be ok." It was kind of like this sense of calm came over me...and life felt good (even if it was just for that brief moment).
It has been a long time since I have felt anything like that...a very long time. And I am trying to hold onto that feeling...which I know will get difficult as time passes (and my doubting/questioning side tries to take over). But I want to remember it, hence I am writing it down. My life will be ok. I am where I am supposed to be. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am dealing...and trying to live. It doesn't mean that my stresses will lessen (they are still pretty major)...it doesn't mean my problems will go away. It doesn't mean my trials will be taken care of and my burdens lifted. I just feel like I can accept where I am in life right now and honestly say I am doing my best...and that makes all the difference. It means I am ok.