I did it again...fell in love with another song. And I must admit, this one was a surprise. This week's song is a very emotional one for me. When I first heard it I was surprised at how strongly I could connect with it. I was thinking about how familiar it was to me, because I have been there. I have been in that place where I felt my heart was broken, and that was it, that was the end. Here I was in this helpless state pleading for release, to be delivered from the pain I was experiencing. The lyrics to this song just explain it almost perfectly...in fact, I'm going to do something a little different with this song: I am going to try to explain how I relate to this song. This week's song is called "My Heart is Broken" by Evanescence.
I also love the music video for this song. I love the emotion that Amy Lee (lead singer) brings to the music. It's probably why I connected with their other music when I was younger, was because of the emotion in it. And it's why I really connected with this song in my present life, because I can see myself in it.
Song: My Heart is Broken
Album: Evanescence
Artist: Evanescence
This is how I see the beginning of my healing process. I faced the pain after so many years of denying it. I try to close my eyes pretend it didn't happen...if I don't see it or acknowledge it, then it's not real. When I finally do accept that it happened I really did wonder if it was possible for me to even heal from it. I was afraid that I was broken forever, broken beyond repair. This is where it gets personal for me. For the first part of my healing I really felt lost and that something was missing. And without that critical peace I would remain lost and broken. That piece was my Heavenly Father. Through the bitterness and anger I had pulled myself away from the One who could truly heal me. In the line "torn away from you" I see the "you" as my Heavenly Father. It really depicts how I had separated myself from my Heavenly Father. That realization hit me hard.
My heart is broken
I can't go on living this way
I learned the hard way that I couldn't go on living the way I was...mad at God and hating life. And hating myself. Going back was not a possibility. Going back to where I came meant saying no to healing. The only thing that would help was moving forward...into arms outstretched with healing. I was just existing until then...I wasn't really living. I have come to realize now that I can't live without my Heavenly Father. If I don't let Him in, then I truly am only half alive.
My heart is broken
Change
I began to change. I began to see the light. I began to have hope. I began to believe again. I began to live. I began to heal. I couldn't deny that anymore...I had to say goodbye to all the darkness and negativity that had haunted me for so long and hindered my healing.
My heart is broken
My heart is broken
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