healing gracie

This is not a good pattern to be in. Nope. Because of all the emotional upheaval lately, I have just felt so drained and exhausted. What is there to remedy that? Naturally, sleep. So I sluggishly get into my pj's and try to go to sleep. Only my mind keeps on ticking for what seems to be hours. I toss and turn for a while only to realize that my efforts to fall asleep have proven vain.

Eventually I do drift off into the world of slumber, but I must say that my sleep lately has been anything but restful. Every night for the past two weeks I have had nightmares. Each one of them has had at least one of my abusers in it...and it has been very vivid. By this I mean that the details, imagery, feelings, etc. are so real to my senses that my mind registers what I am experiencing in the dream as really happening. My nightmares are not pretty, and lately it's been the more invasive ones. I wake up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep. I feel all shaky and panicky and oftentimes very sick. No wonder I wake up in the morning feeling even more tired than when I went to bed. I'm constantly being violated in my sleep...and it is so draining emotionally, physically, mentally.

I don't know why my nightmares have been so terrible lately. The last time they were this bad was before I was in the hospital last year. That's pretty bad. I am betting that something has triggered it, but I am not sure what. All I can say is that it is really starting to wear down on me.