healing gracie

There I was, sitting in my room. Emotions were about ready to flood over the surface. I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't. It hurts too much when I do. It hurts too much when I don't. Breathe in...breathe out.

I start thinking about my time in the hospital and all the feelings/memories I had pushed aside from that experience. It's hard to look back at that time. There is such a negative filter. I feel sick to my stomach, kind of like a knot has been tied in there...a very tight knot. I cringe as a wave of emotions starts to come up again. I try to brace myself...then I try to block the emotions...

Another thought...oh man...I promised myself I wouldn't stop the emotions when they came. I wouldn't fight them. I really don't want to feel it...any of it. It's too much. It's too draining. I bite my lip and I close my eyes...breathe in...breathe out. My eyes start to burn. A drop of water falls...it lands on my cheek. It runs down the side of my face, leaving a wet trail upon my skin. Another immediately follows. My chest feels tight...I gasp. And then a noise emanates from my throat...and I start to sob.

My eyes are wet with tears...paths of water have made several path down my face. I pull my knees up to my chest...wrap my arms around my legs...and hold myself...and I just cried...



I finally did it...I let myself cry. It was hard. It was scary (somewhat)...but I did it. And, I can't believe I am saying this, but I am glad that I did.