healing gracie

Yep, I have been having nightmares again. Not so frequently that it's causing me to break down or anything, but enough to catch my attention. Nightmares are so draining for me. Most of the time when I have a nightmare related to the abuse I usually see myself...a younger version of myself most of the time. There have been times where it is my present self.

For example, recently I had a nightmare where I was forced to submit to one of my abusers...and it was my present self!!! It really bothered me! It's one thing to look at myself as a child in that position, but now, as an adult, it was hard to see myself like that. Part of me wonders if I still believe that I deserve that kind of treatment. Or if I really am that vulnerable to getting hurt again.

His face was so clear in that nightmare...his face, his body...it was so vivid. It felt so real...too real...