I did it again...fell in love with another song. And I must admit, this one was a surprise. This week's song is a very emotional one for me. When I first heard it I was surprised at how strongly I could connect with it. I was thinking about how familiar it was to me, because I have been there. I have been in that place where I felt my heart was broken, and that was it, that was the end. Here I was in this helpless state pleading for release, to be delivered from the pain I was experiencing. The lyrics to this song just explain it almost perfectly...in fact, I'm going to do something a little different with this song: I am going to try to explain how I relate to this song. This week's song is called "My Heart is Broken" by Evanescence.

I also love the music video for this song. I love the emotion that Amy Lee (lead singer) brings to the music. It's probably why I connected with their other music when I was younger, was because of the emotion in it. And it's why I really connected with this song in my present life, because I can see myself in it.



Song: My Heart is Broken
Album: Evanescence
Artist: Evanescence



I pulled away to face the pain
I close my eyes and drift away
over the fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul
and I will wander till the end of time
torn away from you

This is how I see the beginning of my healing process. I faced the pain after so many years of denying it. I try to close my eyes pretend it didn't happen...if I don't see it or acknowledge it, then it's not real. When I finally do accept that it happened I really did wonder if it was possible for me to even heal from it. I was afraid that I was broken forever, broken beyond repair. This is where it gets personal for me. For the first part of my healing I really felt lost and that something was missing. And without that critical peace I would remain lost and broken. That piece was my Heavenly Father. Through the bitterness and anger I had pulled myself away from the One who could truly heal me. In the line "torn away from you" I see the "you" as my Heavenly Father. It really depicts how I had separated myself from my Heavenly Father. That realization hit me hard.

My heart is broken
sweet sleep, my dark angel
deliver us from sorrow's hold
(over my heart)
I can't go on living this way
But I can't go back the way I came
chained to this fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul
and I will wander till the end of time
half alive without you

I learned the hard way that I couldn't go on living the way I was...mad at God and hating life. And hating myself. Going back was not a possibility. Going back to where I came meant saying no to healing. The only thing that would help was moving forward...into arms outstretched with healing. I was just existing until then...I wasn't really living. I have come to realize now that I can't live without my Heavenly Father. If I don't let Him in, then I truly am only half alive.

My heart is broken
sweet sleep, my dark angel
deliver us

Change
Open your eyes to the light
I denied it all so long, oh so long
Say goodbye
Goodbye

I began to change. I began to see the light. I began to have hope. I began to believe again. I began to live. I began to heal. I couldn't deny that anymore...I had to say goodbye to all the darkness and negativity that had haunted me for so long and hindered my healing.

My heart is broken
release me, I can't hold on
deliver us


My heart is broken
sweet sleep, my dark angel
deliver us
 
My heart is broken
sweet sleep, my dark angel
deliver us from sorrow's hold

This song is awesome! That is all I have to say...okay, I will say more. I LOVE this song for some reason...just love it. It reminds me so much of what I would do as a child to "escape" from the horrors that I was faced with daily. I would often daydream...imagine myself in a different place away from the pain and the fear. I would close my eyes, and there I was in a different world far more perfect than the one I was living in. It was my escape...it was my paradise. This week's song is Paradise by Coldplay.

Just a note, I have no idea what is up with the elephant...though it is kind of trippy.



Song: Paradise
Artist: Coldplay
Album: Mylo Xyloto

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly
and dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh
lalalalalalalalalalala
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
 Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

This song speaks for itself. So amazing! This week's song is a cover of Coldplay's Paradise [Peponi] African style performed by the PianoGuys.

This is a great song about beauty. This is for all the girls/women who struggle with finding themselves beautiful. I will admit that I struggle with this myself...I often wonder if I am beautiful. But, I realize that I am often comparing myself to the world's standard of beauty, which is artificial. True beauty is more than skin deep. True beauty is accepting who you are. This song has helped to remind me of that...that there cannot be a more beautiful you. This week's song is "More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz.

Hey there! I know it's been a while. Life seems to be getting busier. Now that it's a new year I plan on making some changes to this blog. One of those changes is a feature I like to call "My Playlist." This is a cool musical feature that I have added under the My Pages section. The playlist includes most of the music I have shared with you all as the Song of the Week. Be sure to check it out! http://healing-gracie.blogspot.com/p/my-playlist.html

who am I?

My name is Gracie...

and I am a survivor.

I am a survivor of child sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.

I am a writer.

I am an artist.

I am a photographer.

I am me...

and I am healing.

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Comments and questions are welcomed...in fact, they are encouraged!

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