healing gracie

...that I start to struggle a bit when it gets to the "anniversary" of my time in the hospital. Every month, in the middle of the month is when I start the hit that struggle point. There I am, looking at the calendar trying to figure out what date it is...and then it hits me...I was in the hospital five months ago.

I will admit that it has been hard for me to accept that I had to go the hospital...that I tried to hurt myself. I still haven't completely forgiven myself. I try to talk myself through it logically: "I was sick and needed help..." but it's on the emotional level that I can't believe it. I have made progress...I am not beating myself up over it as badly as I was before, and not at often either. It's just during those love days of the 14th through the 22nd of each month that it's hard.

I did write a pep-talk to help me when I do hit those down times. One thing that I wrote in there is the thing that I am striving to believe the most right now. I wrote: "I am glad I am still alive."