healing gracie

Today is one of those days. I am in victim-mode again. How could I have let myself get back here? How?! All day I've been bombarded with thoughts of everything I have done wrong, and that I am still doing wrong. I feel like I'm a freak because I can't seem to handle every day situations normally. I feel like I am crazy, and that I am not normal. And because of that, that I will always be alone...because in the end people will have enough of my shit and run away. People can handle it, but only to a certain point. So at what point do I suck it up and push it aside and pretend I'm not being affected by it. And I what point to I vocalize that I'm not doing ok. Where is the balance?

This whole relationship thing has been hard. During the process of breaking up it was a struggle. It was a lot of pain, confusion, and feeling like I had done something wrong because it was hurting the guy I broke up with. I felt so bad that I wanted to hurt myself. And that is where I am today. After trying to talk it out, get my feelings out there, I've been thrown into a position where I am looked at as acting irrationally. That I'm not normal. That I am a freak. And for the first time in a really long time I have wanted to cut...really wanted to.

This is a hard fight right now. And I am facing it alone. Why is it when it gets hard, no one wants to be there to help you through it?