healing gracie

Hello sunshine
It's been too long since I felt
Your beautiful warmth upon my face

I thought the title was appropriate where we finally have had a couple days of sunshine...finally REAL spring weather. And, no, those introductory words I cannot take credit for. They come from the song "Hello Sunshine" by BarlowGirl.

I am finally starting to pull out of the lowness I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I'm still struggling a bit, but it is not an intense as it was. I think it will always be a struggle in some way. There always seems to be something I'm dealing with.

Looking back through my life and healing, most of it has been pretty dark and stormy. It was a struggle to get through a single day...sometimes that was even too much. However, one thing I am learning is that storms don't last forever. Sooner or later, the storm will subside and the sunlight will shine through. For my healing process there have been several types of storms: from full-out blizzards to thunderous lightning and torrential downpours. Those are the extremes. When I'm not in an extreme part there always seemed to be rain or it would be cloudy.

Then there are the days of sunlight. These days of clear skies were few and far in between...they still kind of are. I can probably count on both my hands the number of days that I've felt completely fine...where nothing was wrong...where everything was bright and sunny.

It is hard to believe that there will ever be sunlight when you are in the midst of a great and terrible storm...where everything is dark and feels cold and hopeless. During my down days, that is what it feels like. But...one thing that helps me get through is to tell myself: "It won't last forever." It may be hard, it may be intense at that moment, but that moment won't last forever. At some point it will end. Even if I don't feel that way I have to try my best to convince myself that the sunlight will come.

I can only hope that at some point in my life there will be more sunny days than stormy days. There will be more storms ahead...more storms that I need to face. But for today, I am going to enjoy the sunshine.