healing gracie

I know, another post...and not really a well-thought-out one either. I'm kind of in a venting mode right now, so bear with me. I can't seem to shut my mind off right now, so I am hoping a little bit a writing will help ease the emotional/mental overload I seem to be on right now...then I can sleep. And sleep is very much needed right now.

I've been feeling just strange lately. I know I'm going to have a hard time trying to explain it, but I will give it my best shot. I feel kind of out it...like I'm in a dream. I feel really disconnected, like I'm not all here. The intensity varies from time to time...it seems to get worse when I'm tired. But that is not the main thing.

Over the past few days, there has been just this creepy feeling I've been getting. Some memories keep getting triggered...but they aren't really visual memories. Some are, but most are just these physical sensations...like I feel like I'm being touched or just invaded...I can't really figure out how to describe it. But it feels so real, and it feels like I'm being violated again. It makes me feel like I want to just run and hide.

Like today when I was at work. I don't know what triggered it, but all of a sudden I just had the previously described feeling. I then became somewhat sick and had a shiver run down my spine. It didn't feel good. All I wanted to do was just curl up in a ball and hide away so far into myself that no one could find me. I even wrapped my arms around myself, like I was trying to hug myself or protect myself...trying to comfort myself or something...I'm not sure. It didn't feel good. I felt so uncomfortable and not safe. And then it went away. Even though it went away, I still found myself to be cautious. Of what, I don't know. But now I'm just feeling tense and on edge.