healing gracie

So, counseling went much better this week. That is a relief...a huge relief.

This session in counseling I did a visualization. The concept behind visualizations is somewhat simple and complicated at the same time. I am at a loss on how to try to describe them accurately, but I will do my best. What I do in visualizations is I get myself really relaxed and comfortable. I close my eyes, practice deep breathing, and then I start to visualize. My visualization work is mostly with my inner child. So pretty much I picture myself as a child (around 6-8 years of age...I'm not quite sure how old I am in it), and then there is me as a grown woman. In my visualizations I will interact with my inner child, have conversations with her, walk with her, etc. Hopefully this is making sense...it makes more sense in my head. Sorry, the concept is kind of out there.

Anyhoo, the benefit of doing visualizations is they can and seem to tap more into the subconscious of our minds. They bring up stuff that may not be readily available in the conscious mind. It's a great learning tool I believe, because what you think up in a visualization says a lot about where you are at in healing and what your needs may be. It's kind of like looking at yourself from another perspective.

Well, I haven't done a visualization since August of last year...that is a pretty long time. After pondering it for some time I decided I should start them up again, but I knew I needed a little help. My last few visualizations in August I kept getting stuck and didn't go anywhere. So at my last session of counseling I had my counselor help out a little.

Now, I'm not going to go into too much detail about the visualization. Those are really personal to me. But I will tell you what I learned from the experience. In my last visualization back in August, I had left my inner child of the care of my counselor (imaginative counselor). When I visited her again, she still looked the same, even though I expected her to be taken care of (this is where I'm going to leave detail out).

I asked my inner child about it and she said that my counselor had tried to take care of her, but she wouldn't let her. My inner child had been resistant to it. Looking back on it now, I realize that my inner child would have been resistant to it no matter who was looking after her, whether it was my counselor, a church leader, myself, or the Savior. This epiphany hit me late last night while I was walking through a Wal-Mart parking lot (of all places).

I got thinking about that...I mean really thinking about that. What my inner child needs is to be loved and cared for, and to feel safe. Those are her needs...which translate into my needs on some level. The help that I need is there, the love that I need is there...I just need to learn how to accept it...and to feel like I deserve it. That is why she was resistant to it, because she didn't feel that she deserved it. I need to let myself be loved.

Also, the need for me to accept help and guidance. That is what my counselor is for, is to help me and guide me through the healing process. If I can't even accept the help and be open to that...how can I ever be open and accepting of healing? I deserve to be healed, even if I don't feel that I do. I deserve to be loved, to be cared for, and to be healed, whether it's by my counselor, myself, or the Savior.

And there you have it.