healing gracie

I was talking with a friend the other night. She had read my article that I wrote about women survivors of child sexual abuse. She said one thing she learned from reading my article is that you can't tell people to stop being a victim. That you can't tell someone: "Okay! It has been 2 years now. It's time you forget about it and move on. Stop acting like a victim." That doesn't work. If anything, trying to tell someone it's time to move on can cause more damage, even if your intentions are good (and most of the time they are).

The truth is, there is no set time limit in dealing with abuse and its devastating effects. It takes time, different amounts of time depending on the person, to get to a point where they can say: "It's time to take control of my life." The person has to choose for themselves to stop being a victim and to start being a survivor. And they have to be ready for that. It can't be forced onto them...it can't be pressured...it can't be rushed. Being a survivor is a choice that will come over time...it's not something that happens naturally. And it's a difficult choice, but one that gets easier every time you have to make it.

I made the choice to be a survivor around a year ago...I think. I can't really pinpoint an exact date of when I decided I'm not going to be a victim anymore. The choice to be a survivor is one I have to make every day. Even though I am choosing to be a survivor, it is very easy to fall back into victim mode. If I am having a bad day, if nightmares start getting worse, etc. I am more prone to let go of the whole survivor gig and fall into self-pity. But what is great is that I am now getting better and recognizing when I am slipping back into victim mode. If I can see it happening I can take the actions I need to counter it. I can make the choice...and I have to make that choice. In order to live I have to make the choice to live...to keep on surviving.