healing gracie

Well, I was definitely highly emotional in my post entitled "lost."

I have been thinking lately...it's not just in counseling that I feel like I'm jumping through hoops...it's other people as well. (side note: I think counseling came up as my main frustration because I had just come there and was still feeling frustrated about it...now that I look at it, it is probably the place where I feel the least amount of pressure). It's other peoples' expectations of me and what they think I should be doing. I find myself doing things just to make them happy/satisfied. But oftentimes, it's just empty actions. No wonder I'm so confused with this whole thing...I've gone back into "people pleaser mode" (actually, I think I've never left). I've been devoting too much energy into what others think I should and should not being doing to get better. But really, I should focus on what I believe. I know more than anyone else what I am going through right now, even if I have a hard time communicating it. I may not always know or understand what I need, but I do know I need a lot more than I am getting right now. And I know there are things that I need to do, things that others may frown upon, but things I know will help me. In other words, I need to be more assertive when it comes to my healing (easier said that done, especially for me).

So here I go again. Wish me luck!